Classic, Classy and timeless INSULTS.

 

Today, so many people resort to profanities to insult someone that really sharp insults using clean language is becoming a rarity..

Below is a list of very good and classic insults by famous people of our past, that obviously skewered their subject with clean but sharply combined words.\.

They knew how to put someone in their place with the turn of a phrase.

I received this list in an old email from a friend, so I am putting them here for your amusement.

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Leveling the “Funny” playing field with ethnic/religious jokes

 

Hey, I was just thinking:.

There is far too much censorship in our world these days, and someone sent this to me in an email.

At first, I laughed and then I almost deleted it as being “too insensitive”.

But then I realized I was thinking this way, not out of concern for the people around the world who call themselves “Muslim’s”, but out some distorted “fear” of my perceptions of them, and (of course) I was swayed to some degree by what those (mysterious) radical terrorist factions might do, either to me or to others.

Well, that’s a problem in our society these days, this distortion of public opinion driven mostly by our press.

So, I am sharing this email with you, out of a sense that everyone in America really is equal. And that equality includes their having to be joked about, just like the rest of us in this country.

We Americans are a fantastic amalgam of races, religions and ethnicities. And. we all have something that someone can make fun of. In my America, People who call themselves “Muslims” deserve no more special treatments than anyone else in my America, so here goes.

Oh, and if you do have some perverted sense that you are so special that you should not be exposed to our American sense of equality, including our humor, then do not read the rest of this posting.

But, you might want to think about why you are here, sharing our great society, in the first place.

Bamboo_01

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Whoops! Good Joke.

 

A guy texts his neighbor:

Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:

I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you.

I know it’s no excuse, but I don’t get it at home.

I can’t live with the guilt any longer.

I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology.

It won’t happen again.

The man, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun goes into the bedroom and without a word shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text:

Damn, I really should use spell check! 

That should be “wifi”… Sorry!

Bamboo_01

 

by Don Bobbitt, 2015

JOKE – I thought I would pass this one on for your entertainment.

 

Neologisms
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

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